A Cheapskate's Guide to Spring Break Financing

I am committing social suicide when I depart for my spring break destination on Saturday. I am not hopping in a car with 5 of my best friends heading to Destin or to South Florida to meet my boat for a Booze Cruise. Instead, I am heading on spring break... with my parents!

SO lame, right? I mean, who does that? Unfortunately for me, I have no money and my spring break options included sitting at home with my mom and dad staring at the snow fall in St. Louis. So I got to thinking... I have never been to the Bahamas before and I have always wanted to go there, but on my budget that kind of travel is just not possible. What did I do? I talked mama and daddy into taking me. It wasn't too hard, but it did take a little buttering up. Use these tricks and you'll be sipping Pina Coladas on the white sands of Paradise Island before you know it.

1. Agendas succeed when it appears that no agenda exists. Start by sending your mom and dad a sweet note in the mail just to tell them you love them and you miss them. I got crazy and went to moo.com and had personalized greeting cards made. I usually use them to send to friends all over the country, but I designed a special one with a picture of my parents and me to send to them... they loved it!

2. Your next phone conversation with your dad needs to go something like this:

Hi Daddy! Classes are fine but I am already on the countdown for spring break. My friends all want me to go to Panama City. MTV Spring Break will be there, and I think things might get too crazy for your little girl... but I don't really have any other options because it is the only trip I can really afford, and all my friends are going, so I guess I will too. Well, gotta run. Love you daddy! Bye!"

3. Give him some time to think about his precious daughter surrounded by 500 drunk guys at a wet t-shirt contest. Also, give yourself enough time to "seriously reconsider your spring break priorities," and call back and tell him that after a serious self-reflection, you decided that you could not see yourself partaking in a week of debauchery on the beach (what they don't have to know is that it is because your liver needs a break from the debauchery you take place in on a daily basis in college).

Tell him that you think you want to go to Iraq and volunteer in an orphanage for a week. Hopefully, they will say yes. If they are anything like my parents, however, they will not send their daughter to a war zone for spring break, but they will know your heart is in the right place, and it will open their mind to other spring break options.

4. Step 4: Throw yourself a pity party and say that you will just come home and do nothing on spring break. When they give you the witty parent line along the lines of, "Come on, honey, we aren't that bad are we?" You say, "No, its not you guys. I never get to see you and I would actually love spending spring break with you, but I don't want to go home... that's lame."

They will feel sorry for you and you can tell them that you will do some "research" about places you would all enjoy as a family. All this takes on your part is pulling up the power point you have already made explaining all the wonders of The Atlantis in the Bahamas. Mom can lay by the beach, dad can play golf, little brother and sister can go to Kid's Club, and you can be free to mix and mingle with like-minded college kids from all over the country.

So here's to you, mooching college kid who still wants to live off your parents money for a few more years. Good luck!